It feels like Jesse James cheated on America.
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
when she was 9 she got kicked out of our 4-H camp dance for pole dancing on the spirit stick
i'm sitting in the second floor bathroom drinking coronas in the shower. do not find me.
It'll be like a meth lab. But with jello.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Jello shots and homoerotic movie scenes bingo?
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I just convinced a telemarketer I live in a tree.
What did he say?
He still asked if I want a home security system.
Vegas never ceases to amaze me. Hung out with a stripper from ATL all night and got nuthin, but the next night meet a bride-to-be who gives me a bj in the elevator.
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