Without porn, I would have few hobbies.
Tonight, I'm planning on being a bigger trainwreck than Britney Spears circa 2007.
Im too awkward for one night stands. I need to hire someone to come clear them out of my bed before I wake up.
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
I'm curious as to what my outfit choices drunk me made for this weekend.
Yeah. That's the shitty part. God, I don't want to be a step mom. Sure I'm great with kids, but I just want unlimited sex and not have to worry about making friends with a fucking 7 year old.
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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