I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
So my niece decided to play "lets make shapes out of your bruises" with me and told me that one of them looks like a shark bite. Bravo, sir. Bravo.
it went ok. then he slept in a parking lot and took me out for a picnic the next day. boys are confusing.
Instead of a hangover my body just feels like shame
That is a hangover
I would prefer a headache
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Yeah I don't think your wife thinks it's a good thing that you're fucking your cousin.
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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