My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
She's the barista slut.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
I want to pinterest what I want to do with my pubes. Why isn't there a board for that?!
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
I really need to stop sending pussy pics if I'm going to be running for state representative in November
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
