o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
Fuck buddy has no power. Invited her over to use my shower. I love hurricaines.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I ended up naked in a pond with you-know-who and your saying your a good babysitter? Dick.
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
That's exactly how my pussy feels when I shave it. Like a cross between a naked mole rat and a newborn child. Embrace it.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
I did not shave my legs to sit at home and diddle myself. He better wake the fuck up and put the fear of god in me!
Randomize
