3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
I mean she's dancing like an epileptic patato and i'd like to slap her
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
he just made me youtube cheetahs running and he thinks he is in a pool
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
And by sexy pictures I mean pictures of my penis in strange places. I rock out with my cock out.
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Turns out my mom didn't really want to know I was in a new dimension last night from smoking so much.
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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