saw my dad's penis on the x-ray last night. at least his hip wasn't broken
Why did I wake up with "How to masturbate" on my youtube search bar?
You told us you forgot how, and started to cry.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
Also, rendered a whole bar silent last night when I told a guy to take off his panties and take a shot out of my cleavage. Video to follow...
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
And that is why we dont do tequila shooters at 1 in the afternoon. Because you go home with a beast like that
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
you had me at "meet me in the bathroom"
Would you still love me if I got a Whatever Forever tattoo? It's like the Emo kids' Live Laugh Love
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