yeah so this exboyfriend of yours reckons you're still together and he punched me in the face cos i slept with you last week. you might wanna have a word with him or at a minimum change your facebook status.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I think I'd rather ejaculate tabasco. You'd have to scrape out guacamole.
I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
If you're still awake, how rude would it be if I masturbated in her new apartment on moving day? If you're asleep, then ask me how it was.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
If you're not peeing in public bi-monthly, you're not really living.
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Please stop calling me a pterodactyl during sex. It only happens when you're drunk, but still.
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
Randomize
