yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
Still at the library. i hate tax accounting so much that i've started calling it potions...
he tried to make a toast, but hit the moving ceiling fan with his beer instead
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Unless you count my weekly workout where I drink wine, listen to obscure/cheesy records, and pretend I'm a ballerina...no. I don't exercise.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
Lol, maybe a little bit. I don't know. I don't keep a super keen memory log of dicks honestly.
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
There's so many drinking games in the Olympics.
you missed out this chick was licking her paddle
Randomize
