ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
She told me I reminded her of the fair. And she wanted to deep fry my dick and eat it.
Let's just say, at one point i got woken up at 4am by a naked guy who was offering me steak, in a cup.
the parents are super pissed...made eye contact with the mom while going down on another girl
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
But I do know they give away thousands and thousands in booze
My liver has a boner
I just found out that my husband and I are Eskimo siblings. What in the actual fuck?!
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
You know why I love being a regular at this bar? It's because at a certain point last call is only a suggestion.
He grabbed at it like it was a stress ball or something. It's a boob, not a grapefruit. The fuck.
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
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