I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
I just opened a bunch of old flavored condoms just to see what they tasted like.
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Does she usually listen to trance and cut up broccoli when she's high?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
My lips are sealed. Both pairs.
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
Apparently from about 3-5AM I was consoling that crying stripper about her life choices.
Remember when I asked you to make sure I didn't go home with anything less than a 6 last night? You're fired
That time we were having sex when you were super drunk, I kept yelling out, "Oh God," and you said, "You're going to need him after this." Idk why I suddenly thought of that.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Randomize
