Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Someone wrote that you're a whore in one of the bathroom stalls
I didn't know I was popular enough to be hated. This is awesome
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I'm wearing too many socks to be ok with this.
I was told to keep my leg elevated. I assume it means to keep my legs on the air, it's like I was prescribed to be slutty
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
I mean I'd assume the strange looks are on account of the fact that I'd imagine people normally don't stink of booze on an 8:14am flight.
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
Randomize
