I can't believe believe she called me a slut. She doesn't know anything about me or my life.
Shit, that's something a lot of sluts say.
He's Hawaiian. Thank god it wasnt a real American
I'm home and safer than post-menopausal sex; you're welcome for the image. And yes, I did just use a semi-colon hammered.
well at least you didnt have sex with him. i feel like a proud mother. you always have sex with them.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
I think I just agreed to be an escort for an Asian guy who's gonna be in the city next weekend before he moves back to Shanghai...
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Do you know why I have a burn shaped like a tiny spork?
Just applied for assistance with paying my hospital bill from my alcohol poisoning at age 16 while still a little drunk from last night. What is my life.
Circle of life?
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
Just got smoked out by my boss. Working in politics is great.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
Randomize
