Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
When he came he kept saying "oh god oh god" and he sounded just like his dad. awkward...
we couldnt tell if he was gay so we started working glee quotes into the conversation to see if he noticed.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
Just left the frat house in last nights clothes minus my earings, shoes, underware, tequilla cap, and my dignity. If you see me on your way home just hit me
No, no. The rest of his everything inspires me to put his dick in my mouth
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
im in DESPERATE NEED OF A COMPANION RIGHT NOW I’M MOTHER FUCKING TRIPPING SOLID GOLD BALLS
You'll never fully grasp an awkward walk of shame until you run into his mom while you're trying to sneak out. Then to make matters worse you have to ask her to mover car because it's blocking you in.
and I lost my effing shirt.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
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