It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
his roommates stood outside the locked door reading bible verses to us the whole time...
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
This girl just introduced herself as Queefer Sutherland. She's on a roller derby team. What. The. Fuck.
I knew I was in the wrong bar when "I have a daughter your age" was some random's pick up line.
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
stop sending me battleship coordinates and get back here so i can suck your dick
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
My liver appreciates your vow of avoiding matrimony
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
"He's not as cute as he was last week" and "I'm not as drunk as I was last week" are basically the same sentence.
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Randomize
