True but thats because hes a fetus.
Di me a solid and hit me with your car.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
I'm now at that point where it just feels natural to do a few shots of whisky with breakfast and then head to work
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
can we just pause for one second and address the fact that balls were out last night
I still think the kiddie pool full of jello option is worth exploring. Just sayin'.
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
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