I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
okay, I promise to stop paying strippers to hit you
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
More importantly this is sex weather and i am striking out
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
Also I just took Ritalin with coffee so if anyone wants to know what numbers sound like, I got you
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Randomize
