woke up with peach flovored chap stick on my taint ! dont ask why i know it was peach
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Just got to school and somone already mentioned the amount of cereal im carrying.
Dont forget about the tuna sandwich behind your TV
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
I think your dad took our porno
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
Dude on a beach in sicily and a blonde jesus just smoked us out and then tried to makeout with me I am never leaving this place
Cats are difficult to handle. Also they are impossible to baptize.
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
