weddingsv make me drug and hornr
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
I wanna get so drunk next week I throw up on a guy's genitals. I want to be that memorable for someone.
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Recently successful and happy relationships are at an all time high now that you are no longer fucking so many peoples girlfriends. You alone have changed the mating patterns in the lower half of our county.
You need to stop relating my life to your schoolwork. But tell my girlfriend that she'd be proud.
This is the high leading the old right now
Scary. I thought trees were a lie and that someone ha permanently stenciled them into my life. No joke.
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
surprisingly organic peanut butter is not the best chaser
Please send pictures of any nice new years ladies you run across in town, as I've forgotten what women look like.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
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