That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Just sold a bike on craig's list for 4 four lokos and a 40. How bad do you miss college?
Just reduced mom to tears when she realized I wasn't kidding about hating kids. She's crying about never being a gma. Now would be the time to tell her about the girl you knocked up. You're welcome.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
Just made a beer run. At 9am. In my pjs. I should not be graduating today
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
Soooo you know how I said I was trying to be a rational adult? Well that led to me fucking a rational adult today.
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
Randomize
