if one more of _____'s family tells me "you're next" i'm going to shoot myself. Thank god for gin (most protestant phrase ever at the most Jewish wedding ever)
Ask for a julep and start talking about how you much prefer the uncircumsized peen. that should probably stop them.
Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Saw shirtless man with angel wing tramp stamp seen biking in my neighborhood. Considering moving.
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
well isn't that the pot calling the kettle a make out whore
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I got a letter from the home owners association saying its against policy to have sex on the trampoline.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Randomize
