Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
we were dressed as cave people and he kept telling everybody i was so easy a caveman could do it.
You know those ponds where you go and pay $5 and your guarranteed to catch a fish thats how i describe her
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
I say we get drunk before the exam tomorrow. At least then we have a valid excuse for failing.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ok! I picked up an anti-celebratory bottle of champagne on the way to dinner for her going to rehab. That's how I feel about this...
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Randomize
