idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
is this the only place in the world where you can get shot on one side of town, and have to stop for cows crossing the street on the other side?
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
A kind stripper put a blanket over me last night
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
He sent me a picture of his ass and said the backdoor is open. Almost grabbed my keys and a condom before I saw it was a group text. Not nearly drunk enough for his desperation.
He's. Duct. Taping. His. Phone. To. The. Wall.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
When theres a zombie apocalypse, i will be the only fat survivor. I ate chef boyardi ravioli with part of a pen for a fork
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
