don't worry. When rigor sets in, we'll make sure to get you laid one last time.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
Just shaved my legs with toilet water in a walgreens bathroom. I am so classy.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
Thank god for makeup because it looks like someone took a shit on my face
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
I just farted a soft, gentle fart and it made me think of the eye puff glaucoma test at the eye dr. I hope that's not fart air they use for those. And yes, I'm texting you from the toilet and yes again, I'm high.
Sex should always be followed by Chinese food in bed.
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
I'm pretty sure our sex is better than most foods and that says a lot too bc I really like food
she's my really slutty friend i bring around so i can act slutty and not feel as bad about it
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
