You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
She can't keep using her latex allergy as an excuse to go bareback with everyone.
Burger king has cupcake flavored milkshakes. God dammit America.
I'm drinking rum and coke straight from the 2 liter bottle.
Yes. I feel like complaining about sex all the time with a 21 year old might be punishable by death of the sex gods so I try not to
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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