Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Haha oh wow he'd be perfect. He's got everything MTV looks for in a real world cast member. Gay. Tool. From Methuen
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
Fun new game when high: sorting socks. Took forever. Was awesome.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
You were laying in a hotel bed drinking beer from a straw while you demanded everyone to kiss your foot tattoo.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Throwing up while listening to NPR because I’m trying to adult through this hangover
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
Randomize
