yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Could guys at least pretend I require some amount of money to be spent before I randomly go down on them?
I wish real life had facebook tags so i could figure out who all these people are
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
what is it with giant penises always finding me
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
I was more obsessed with the sweat stain on her back that was simultaneously shaped like a vagina and the virgin Mary.
I've never had someone so bad at kissing. It was like he was trying to block my airway with his tongue and he succeeded...
you can't tell me not to come to work cause roads are bad then ask me an hour later to come in and expect me to be sober
He called me at 4 a.m. and wanted me to drive him to McDonald's then drop him off at home. It wasn't even a booty call, it was a fucking chauffeur call.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
