my friend just told me "I dunno what u r doing but keep doing it cuz it makes u look fabulous"
LOL that's cool. Guess u r gonna have to keep doing me
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
I vote intervention dinner around 6, make up movie around 7:30ish, then apology drinks all night. Then hangover waffle house in the morning.
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Never thought an ATM max withdrawal could be such a good thing...
You know you're an upperclassmen when you go to a party with no makeup, wet hair, weed socks, and no shoes, take a shot ski, then leave
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
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