words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
i love him because he let me keep my UGGS on while we had sex
You don't have a wife, you don't have a dog, and you need a new bong. Don't make this any worse than that.
You're a waste of cheezeits
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
Of course I understand. Thou shalt never turn down a free meal or drink. It's one of the commandments of being a girl.
I did not appreciate your texts about spanking at 3'o'clock this morning.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
Our lives are a motherfucking joke
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
Randomize
