I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
You were telling me to give my phone mouth to mouth so it wouldn't die.. Should i be worried for you?
DONT TAKE THE KEG OUT OF THE HOT TUB I NEED A PICTURE OF ME DOING A KEG STAND ON IT
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
you made me have a moment of silence for the half of a sub sandwich that you dropped on the floor earlier
Dude she threw his clothes out n 8th floor window and her dog tried to bite his dick off. So the answer is yes it could be worse...
I'm gonna go drown myself in the shower. Make sure to cover me up before the paramedics arrive. I'm too fat to be seen naked right now.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
I don't get it. Why have babies when you can have vodka?
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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