Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
You know, I think when I have a lot of free time, thats when I pick up odd lovers. Maybe keeping busy is key to not using my vagina
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
I found where he bartends and I guarantee you that in approximately nine months from this Friday, you will have a niece
Just taking a shit and realized the captain planet theme song is stuck in my head.
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
She thinks I cheated on her 10 years ago in a past life lmao
I just don't understand what you plan on accomplishing there except for losing all vestiges of post-freshman year dignity
Randomize
