member when we used to take shits together before volleyball games?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
I hope my margaritas pass through security.
Beer is about to convince me to do something really stupid.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
My patience ran out after you started clapping at the strippers everytime they took off a piece of clothing.
He like walks around to open car doors for me. Has already held my hair while I barf and still likes me. What. Is. Happening.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
tom claimed she had a star tattooed around her buttonhole. i am not prepared for this era of skankyness
I hate ovaries. They're horrible little sacs of satanic enmity.
That's the most poetic description of female anatomy I've ever heard.
You made the lady who made your cheeseburger sign the box so that when she got famous you would have her autograph.
Randomize