This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
I'm starting to blur the boundary between reasonable senioritis and self-destruction. Somewhat-openly hittin the flask in 11am class
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
Its kind of weird knowing that im only seeing you that day to fuck in some woods
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
Can we pretty pretty please go to Mardi Gras tomorrow? I promise I'll be a good girl and not puke in a pledges car
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Jesus better clutch that motherfucking wheel, then.
I'M NOT PUTTING MY TRUST IN JESUS! I'M PUTTING MY TRUST IN YOU!
Randomize
