You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
at first i was worried but she assured me her frail vegan body would have no chance at conception.
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Some guy in lab is humming along to a Sara Barrilles song. Or maybe I'm just hearing the song echoing in his huge, gaping vagina.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
I stopped him mid keg stand to show him how cute my bra was...
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
He's not put together enough to have that big of a dick
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
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