I woke up around 30 bottles of beer, with a piece of aluminum foil in my hand, that had "you Win" Wrote in sharpie..
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
I remember saying "sorry" to the blunt before throwing it out the window
I never had a problem I couldn't slut my way out of.
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
I need to immerse myself in a tub of peroxide to kill whatever traces of him are on me.
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
Randomize
