..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
Check Facebook. Random dude tagged us in photos from last night dancing at Denny's while eating a sampler platter. 1. How does he have our names, and 2. You said we ate at Tbell.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
WHY IS EVERY MAN IN THIS CITY GAY? IS IT SO BAD TO WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE A PIECE OF SHIT BY A REALLY HOT STRAIGHT MAN FOR A NIGHT?
You just met him on Thursday, and you've already nicknamed him Golden Penis?
it's not like i was drunk to the point of NEEDING help...i just wanted someone to offer to hold my hair or something.
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
U have successfully fucked my brains out. I just almost put deodorant on like chapstick
Had to sacrifice my vibrator batteries to the thermostat gods. I had a dirty dream and also almost a heat stroke.
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
he showed me his third nipple on the first date. I might have low to no standards, but my god.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
My drunk ass is being chauffeured around like the damn queen of England
Randomize
