A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
The way white people respond to them, you'd think Journey was the president of Caucasia.
You're the end to all my bad dreams.
Did you have that reoccuring dream about me banging your mom again?
I don't know how I got that girl last night. I feel like seal right now sans the scars
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
saw a man tazing a raccoon in the middle of the street last night... normal
Apparently the cops have a video of me singing bob seger "Night moves".
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Just had a random flashback of you tickling some guy's nipple with your claw ring, and then him moaning and stripping in the middle of the bar. You give good memories.
In other news, someone I've had sex with won jeopardy last night.
There is no such thing as a great breathalizer story. That isn't a thing that exists.
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
She called and said her prescription was refilled. I guess we are dating again.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
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