I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
Why the fuck was there a shirtless Mexican in my apartment this morning?
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
winnie the pooh came out of nowhere and offered me a burrito...it was a fucking amazing burrito.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
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