i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
once she started licking the door on the stall, i got out of there and told her bf "this is your problem now" and walked away
I incognito puked under the VIP table. Did Jersey proud.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
He told me I was a pleasure to arrest. That's the 2nd time I've heard that.
You were air-planing a joint into my mouth while I was crying naked in the bath tub.
Best Friends For Life.
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
You're a hot mess, you know that?
At least I'm a FUN hot mess. Like a train crash full of pizza, fireworks and glitter.
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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