I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
we are cloud gazing and there is one that looks like a giant baby riding a dolphin and smoking a joint
i wish there was a reasonable explanation for why this reminds me of you
& he told me 'I don't think ur a big slut-just kind of an average slut'
HE THINKS THATS A COMPLIMENT!!!!!
I just found a bag of teeth...
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
I had sex on a sidewalk in downtown Chicago... I don't think I have anymore morals to lose.
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I lost my wallet so I paid for my cab ride home with a sausage sandwich I found in my purse. Must have thought it was my wallet.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
