ask if his dick looks like a sausage. alex's bro told me that's a sure sign. btw took pain pills. maybe shouldn't listen to me.
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
Sorry you had to hear me puke. I didn't know I called you. Was it graceful?
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
what kind of wine goes with anal sex and shame?
Waking and baking has revolutionized how i brush my teeth. Seriously up to like 25 min everry morn. Highly recommend
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
That awkward moment when you were so fucking drunk lastnight that you and your fuck buddy wake up wearing eachother's clothing covered in hot cheetos with his cat curled up between your heads meowing. Thought you'd appreciate this moment with me.
Who did he bring home?
Idk. But did you see her shoe choice by the stairs, I'm really not expecting anything great.
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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