how do chicks with those acryllic nails wipe their anuses?
can we please move this conversation out of my vagina?
Just sold all of my pants in order to buy tonight's whiskey. Goodbye, high functioning alcoholism. Hello, Dad.
I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
They upped the price of Plan B! Rite-aid is going to be the reason I have illegitimate kids.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
Sunday is a myth, I refuse to believe that I waste an entire day unable to function after a night of drinking.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
Aaaaand now he just flexed his muscles at me and said "I'm a fucking eagle!"
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
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