what the fuck were we smoking when we had a conversation about how my brother would be so proud if i fucked an orange alien?!?
I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
Just crossed the line with my beat friends girl twinsie. Didn't realize tillz afta how much the look alike and an thougholy creeped out. Thanks ciroc
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
Kyle's mobile fuck service..... Kinda has a nice ring to it don't you think??
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
We cuddled after till the morning. Then he woke up sober... and straight.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
you know you should be lucky to find the case to my dildo....that means no more random guys at the house!
Randomize
