my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
your dad made us margaritas and breakfast on the morning. I think it's safe to say he relives his glory days through us
The best part is when you puked in your slurpree and the 7 eleven guy still made you pay for it
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
Shoot me. Oh my god shoot me. My moms ex "likes assholes"
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
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