He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
He started yelling "we're making a baby" mid thrust.. probably not the right guy for me right?
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
You're barking up the wrong lesbian.
just woke up on my balcony. who won the super bowl?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
Don't bang him. The amount of Jack Johnson he listens to is embarrassing for even a white person.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
That moment when I wear the same thing I did to a motel nooner to my family's Christmas party... Ho Hoety Ho bitches
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I thought my sex drive was gone but let me tell you it is back with a vengeance
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
Our orgasm ration was 1:45. No. Fucking. Joke. I thought I was going to die.
i out mim tonsoeep
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