as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
just turned my empty handle of passion fruit smirnoff into a fish bowl. I love college.
I'm playing the Jersey Shore drinking game by myself at my mom's house. Things like this are not okay after college.
I woke up in what appears to be a taco bell graveyard in my bed.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
As I sit on the toilet at 4 am I realize tonight could have gone a lot better
I'm taking myself to the hospital right now b/c there is no way this erection is subsiding in the next 4 hours.
Woke up eating a pickle on the bathroom floor this morning in some random guys sweat pants.
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
It may be a corded vibrator from the 90s but it gets the job DONE
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
