I wish I could teleport
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
Tried to steal a keytar from my hook up's house.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
#1 RULE OF DRINKING: DELETE YOUR EX'S NUMBER FROM YOUR PHONE
Tell me why I woke up spooning a hamburger like it was a teddy bear.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I just bought a bong from a hot dog stand.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
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