So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
I just sat in the Taco Bell drive-thru waiting for a trash can to take my order. Yes, that high.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
you don't know true fear until you are a convinced that velociraptors are trying to kill you through your roof.
Synchronized big wheels back flips off the second floor roof. Good idea or great idea?
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
Well, he didn't buy me a birthday present but he sure did give me chlamydia so there's that.
I LinkedIn messaged people about jobs when I was blacked out
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
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