You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
I made a drinking game out of watching your DUI video, everytime you say " okay, well thats just your opinion"
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
You're the only person I know that could get laid while visiting their grandpa in florida
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Last night I had a dream that I changed my last name to Vodka. what does that say about my life?
so we have roughly decided that hes the dude all the chicks will bang in college, just so he will do their term papers
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
Can I borrow a thong? I’m having drinks with a cute boy tonight and I’m out of clean underwear
Randomize
