Can you send me a pic of you vag, I'm sexting the guy and he wants a pic but I didnt shave
dude are you serious?
I know you already have a pic on your phone
If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was so drunk that i ate a carrot out of her guiena pig's cage and thought it was normal
Exactly. All of us sinners go to hell and get nothing while all of the goody two shoes get to go to heaven where its all pink floyd, lasers, and pot.
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
He asked if I wanted to leave my bra on while we were doing it from behind bc he read somewhere that all that pounding can be painful for big breasts. THAT thoughtful.
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Like for real, is your junk ok? I have to look after my investments.
You can't just beat off while driving someone else's car. Thats a rule
Thats your rule and this car is nice
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
As much as I trust your struggle imma deal with being Eskimo brothers with my own sister before I get to that
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
Randomize
