I just used my 7th grade year book to figure out who I hooked up with last night. Being home is magical.
She played chubby bunny with our cocks.. She got 4
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
She spilled some tequila on her hair somehow and I guess I felt bad for her, so I yelled "ROOMIES FOR LIFE" and dipped my hair in my tequila.
Also, upon examining the photos, I have concluded that you were the sloppiest drunk girl of the night. And that's saying something considering Hurricane Jessica was in town.
I don't know what to say to that. All I know is my vagina is trying to jump through the phone.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
WTF was I supposed to tell them? "hi mom and dad, this is some rando I met on the internet. please ignore the noises that will be coming from my bedroom for the next 60-90 minutes. kthxbye."
please tell dad to clear the porn off his tablet before he lends it to anyone from now on
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
Randomize
