I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
why does the wii remote smell like your vag?
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I made him drop me off at the wrong house waited for him to leave and crawled through several fences so he couldnt stalk me. How was your night?
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
They get 5 minutes to wear their speedos at the wedding
Oh my god I'll have to be really drunk for that
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
woke up wearing a canadian flag with the starting forward of the hockey team. i feel oddly patriotic
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
The Easter dress struggle is real
Yep. Just had to pull mine off to puke.
Did you leave it the depths of Magic Mike's favorite banana hammock?
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
