its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
found the other keg... it's in the tree
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
Wow, haven't had to deal with the 'stoned at the dinner table' scenario in a while
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
Well let's just say that she ended up trying to get it in with the wheelchair guy, who btw, can get an erection and quickly I might add
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
So someone just pointed out to me that during dinner, I mentioned more women that I'm attracted to than men. The transition might be complete. I'm gay.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
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