I slayed a troll last night at BC guess i thought i was back in college
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
God Help those hot young girls. It's going to be like Bambi in iraq. Except worse.
My dermatologist just asked me, "what happened here?" referring to the bruising on my nipples. I told her I walked into a door. Thanks for that awkward moment.
I made out with Jen. We were naked. I'm still gay. Forever
I'm going to look like a jackass in the Mexican newspaper tomorrow.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
hey. this is your former cousin. you boned my best friend last night.
Damn that sucks I haven't needed pants the whole time i've been here
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
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