my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
he apologises profusely for spelling mistakes in his texts but doesn't care about cheating on me. priorities
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Can you get snapchat back so I can show you all the places I threw up in/on last night?
I don't wanna shit myself again in 2015
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
Randomize