I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
my professor just said "the power of the situation"
drink
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
Found my underwear in a solo cup. That about sums up this weekend.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
THEY SELL PREFROZEN MARGARITAS AND THEY COME WTH A STRAW. MY PRIORITIES ARE IN ORDER
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
We watched ESPN, hooked up, got waffles. You know, a typical weekend.
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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