I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
I will give you a bj if you get me food. NOT A JOKE. FREE BJ.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Fuck you. Leave my nipples out of this. THEY DID NOTHING TO YOU
Do toy wanna orseer frim onedof tjose plaves? Sry textimg with globes on
Gloves*
Out of all the words to correct, you chose gloves??
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
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