I looked her in the eye and told her I was 'balls deep' in love with her...She said that wasn't saying much. Time to drink away the sadness...
They have chocolate covered tequila candy at work. This is not a drill. May be drunk by noon.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
You don't realize how cold it really is...I poured my bong out the second floor window and icicles hit the ground.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
wow bdsm is so cute
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
That sounds good. I'd totally blow you somewhere quick but im not in the frame of mind to think of a place
Be outside in 5
Randomize
