The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Turns out Woolite can get the cum stains out of her moms couch.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
I'm trying to figure if this dude sitting in his car with the door open is dead or just sleeping. Someone was probably wondering the same thing bout me 20 minutes ago. Your meeting is taking a ridiculous amount of time.
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
I could go for watching some naked price is right. Looks like a good time to me.
the evidence suggests last night I either took a bath in beer or drank 18 beers while in the bath. either one sounds good to me. sad i don't remember it
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Good thing he's hot and my vagina likes him or I'd be at Dennys right now.
Randomize
