Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
You need to come back and get me. This is not a jersey shore party and he is not dressed as Pauly D and I am about one shot away from hooking up with a real fist pumping Guido.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I just want every freshman guy to know about Grindr just so I can have more options
The real estate's complaint had the words "loud squealing at 2am" in it. Then I remembered that was me spoon feeding you guys old potato salad while you screeched like baby birds. Great night.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
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