When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
The only thing in that hotel room that we didn't fuck on was the roof
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
A blind man just put his face in my cleavage. I'm also crying.
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
Her hookup left his underwear and shorts in the dorm last night... What he was wearing when he left, we may never know.
Is her dick bigger than yours?
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
