my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
Besides. I don't even really like sex because it feels great. I like it because for thirty minutes I own that guys ass.
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
I'm just waiting til he drunkenly pisses in his new man's car the way he always whipped it out and went Bellagio in mine.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
I used my iced coffee to ice the bump on my head from last night
He told me that he'd ride his snowmobile from Cincinnati to Toledo in this blizzard just so I could give him head.
His eyefucking isn't even normal eyefucking; it's eye anal.
Please just help me figure out where the bruise on my face came from.
Just so you know sleeping with you is like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
That's the most romantic thing I've ever heard
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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