I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
So I'm driving and this guy next to me at the stop light is reving his engine and honking at me. Motherfucker thinks that's because I'm asian and drive a honda I'm automatically going to race him
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
His penis has been a bonding mechanism beyond comparison.
In the middle of having sex she stopped, said "guess what, it's clitoris awareness week" and then continued fucking me
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
He called my vagina "the man cave", and I found it charming
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
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