Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Someone said we're out of ice. You collapsed on the spot and started sobbing, saying 'but where will all the polar bears live". That drunk.
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
We should have cut you off when you asked the can driver if you could ride in the trunk.
the potatoes in the margarita machine wasn't the breaking point. its when he turned on the stove and put a bunch of bottle rockets on it that i knew the night had prematurely failed
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He pulled a bucket of fried chicken out of his backpack as a peace offering. Under the chicken was a rainbow bag of weed. We're dating again.
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
That awkward moment when you realize you've been secretly blackout dating someone for three months. Drunk me is in a committed relationship.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
