I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
yup, got lost on my way to the final. maybe i should have gone to this class all semester
Does he know anything about your personal life besides what you look like without clothes on?
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
Hey so summary of last night. I threw up in a rain boot then tipped it over on my bed, did my laundry and passed the fuck out. I feel like I didn't see you.
I wish you'd make everyone's lives easier and do him already. Then we can get rid of him.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I have a terrible feeling that I made out with a fraternity last night
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
Randomize
