Listen: if you or anyone else at work finds a starfish in a bowl, just leave it. It'll be gone by next week.
Better yet, if you find it can you put it in the mini-fridge in your office for safe keeping? Spanks.
And if it's going to get me in trouble, maybe just don't mention that I know anything about it.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
You told me that you were mad me because I wouldn't let you 'explore my castle'. Then you said I smelled like a hospital and passed out.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
And don't worry, I have a great track record of rallying after a casual midday blackout.
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
