I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Who invented hangovers? And why did I make out with him and eat an entire can of chilli mixed with hot fries while screaming "YOU ONLY GRADUATE ONCE" last night?
Everything smells like vodka and bologna. WHAT DID YOU DO?
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
Your anal douche was on bathroom counter. Now it's in dumpster. Not ok. I am mad. Very mad.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
who the fuck is meatball and why is he telling you to nap on the bar
He's drinking on a hospital bracelet, the fuck's your excuse?
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
TURNS OUT they were both cheating. Like the Gift of the Magi except for shitty people
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