i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Ed hardy makes air fresheners now. Now even the air can be a douchebag.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just drove through Taco Johns wearing a drug rug and no pants. When I rolled down my window, the girl paused for a minute before saying "um... 4.07"
At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
i figured out i could get from the downstairs bar to the upstairs bar AND grab pizza by going through the kitchen. it was the greatest discovery of my life besides the flabongo.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
He said something last night about making crepes, but after getting pissed on in bed, I question everything.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
Randomize
