I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
Question: Is it too early to claim April Fools on the text "can we do some lines before the concert" that I accidentally sent Mom?
Sad news: I might have to institute a "once-per-day" policy on getting trashed downtown. Sorry, reputation.
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
I'm currently making some changes in my life. If you don't hear from me anymore, then you're probably one of them. Or I'm dead.
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
What is more embarrassing, shitting yourself in Mexico or having sex in a forest preserve with a 19 yr old? This is crucial research.
this is an emotional support booty call
I can't believe I watched you put a tampon in in the parking garage
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
My vagina! What have you done to it?
Blessed it my child.
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