I want to stick my p in your. b.
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
Thanksgiving. A stoners favorite holiday
I called the bar to ask if they found my Id and credit card and they remembered me as 'the girl who signed her receipt in blood'
the line at the liquor store is out the door, and students in line are high-fiving like crazy...i love college snow days
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
i just sold a bong and some oregano to fifth graders for sixty dollars. doing something tonight?
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
I think I just got judged by the pizza guy. dude, you deliver fucking pizza. you need rethink YOUR life.
She just walked up to him and was like "you should fuck Angela" and it worked! She is the ultimate wingman
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
When the people downstairs start talking about drugs, I second guess buying my drugs from them. Then I remember they are cheap and convenient.
Randomize
