You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
Katie Perry lied, you can't just wake up and shake the glitter off your clothes.
I'm sitting by the window waiting for the sun to go down so that I can start drinking.
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I haven't seen any of my friends sober in months. We have classes together.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I need moral support for this bender
Well, now that you have a gf, its gonna be awkward when I get drunk and make out with you..... Then later, pretend like I don't remember.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
I just want a relatively mentally stable guy with tattoos and facial hair that loves Captain America as much as I do and will fuck me the way I deserve to be fucked, is that too much to ask for?
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
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